How do you see yourself inside your head? Do you imagine yourself in a movie, or as the protagonist in a book that lots of people read? Do you repeat scenes of greatness or triumph? Be honest. You have nobody to fool but yourself.
I ask these things because I realized the other day that I am a complete narcissist. I actually imagine myself regularly as if there is a camera following me around – and people are watching me (SAD, pathetic, Britney (Madonna!) wanna be, attention craver!). I hate to admit it (well not really) but it’s true. I actually do at times imagine my life through the eyes of others.
I wish this were not the case. How liberating it would be to relieve oneself of the imagined pressures imposed upon oneself by others…but not really by others…by IMAGINED others.
Recognizing this provides clarity. It is informative to dig into who you actually think might be watching that movie, and what you are doing to "act" for them. Very telling, indeed. Just who are we trying to please? Mom, friends, godmother, childhood rivals, coworkers? These imagined movie viewers really are like directors of our lives (my life) in this movie in our heads (my head).
My goodness, how interesting – I am letting others be Directors of my life. If I had Producers, that might be tolerable – at least they give you money…Directors just order you around!
Who directs your life? Who are you trying to please? Who is reading your tombstone? And if you think about it, why do you care what they think of you if you’re long gone?