Today I am in the middle of having a realization.  I am not ready to talk about it specifically, but in generalized terms, today I woke up to a reality I have suspected exists for a while now.  And it’s no longer a suspicion.  No, I am not dying (as far as I know) – it’s nothing like that.  But it is something important to me – something I have learned I identify with and that I value.

So much for thinking we are in control.  The more I grow, the more I realize how little control we actually have.  You plan, you scheme, you invest.  It may not matter.  We are but a part of so many moving pieces.  So what is one to do?

Give up.  Let go.  Forget attaching oneself to circumstances?  That seems too loosey goosey to me.  But I don’t know what else to do.  Roll with the punches?  I realize I am being cryptic. 

Not everything is meant for public consumption, I suppose.  But what it is specifically is less interesting than the effect I am allowing it to have on me.

It’s interesting in times like things – when I realize my VISION may not be realized in a certain way, that I turn to the supernatural for comfort.  I turn to my belief in the irrational, the unproven, the aspect of a larger power at work.  Faith in things that don’t make sense.  Maybe even a supremely guided universe and the notion that what comes around goes around, and if you do good, ultimately good comes back your way.  And that there are at least as many good surprises as bad surprises.  Hope.  In addition, of course, to hard work and sweat and maybe some tears. 

So while letting go of labels, attachments and visions, I am holding fast to the unknown, what may be around a corner, the power of the universe to come full circle. 

I think I might be crazy. 

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