Chapter XVII

because you never know someone from the very beginning


November 2007

Hit By The PFT

Wow.  Every once in a while I get hit by the PFT (Pregnancy Freight Train).  It hits hard, out of nowhere, and makes you feel like you ran a marathon with no sleep.  It renders you exhausted with a dash of "mental drain" and a soaking of physical "I just cannot take one more step or get up".  The hit tends to last five minutes to five hours.  It’s way worse than any afternoon slump I experienced BB ( Before Bean).

I was just slammed by the PFT.  Darn that little freight train.  Time to get up, take a quick walk, maybe jump up and down a little (not high, just a little) or walk outside into the 40 degree weather with no coat or scarf.  Of course, the Pregnancy Police (of which there are many) say not to reach for an espresso…but let’s be honest, a walk does not have the same effect.  Besides, I am tall, my husband is tall, do we really think a little afternoon dash of coffee will stunt the kid’s growth?  I think not.

Focus focus

What are you up to today?  I have scatterbrain syndrome, but that is nothing new.  I am trying to focus on one thing at a time – and that would be work, I am focusing on WORK, BTW.  But if I were not focusing on work, here is what I would be thinking about:

  • Making perfect pie crust (or any – I have actually never attempted to make pie crust.  This is in the near future for me.)
  • Finding a sofa.
  • And two chairs.
  • And end tables.
  • And a bed frame.
  • Decorating a nursery for an at this point, gender neutral kid.
  • Reading about the Annapolis Summit.
  • Trying to figure out who I like in the Presidential Race.
  • Doing Christmas shopping, and doing most of it online, starting at to get free money back, and not having anything gift wrapped since I am trying to be more environmentally conscious.
  • Making chicken liver pate.
  • How I am going to find a nanny and when I want said nanny to start.
  • Going to the gym, that lovely place that I have not seen in MONTHS (for shame!)

But alas, these are all being backburnered for now.  Now I turn my thinking to online tutoring solutions targeting students in kindergarten through 12th grade, alternative out of home advertising, collaborative software for the education market and the impact of the growing Hispanic population and how that creates opportunities for new companies to serve that market. 



We’ve moved!  We officially now reside in 718.  On my commute home tonight I had the pleasure of seeing the lights of downtown Manhattan and bridges as the subway emerged from Gotham and went over the bridge into Brooklyn.  Just great.  And I have cooked two nights in a row…this is a huge…we had eaten out or had take-out just about every night since August.  Being in front of a stove again, creating a meal is something I missed in a big way.  And of course the place is still a total disaster – moving takes time.  It’s not just us that needed to find a home, it’s every book, wooden spoon, set of sheets, random postcard, etc. that needs a happy place to rest in the new apartment.  The list goes on and on, but boy are we thrilled. 

Now, time to go attack another box of books…

Busy busy busy…blahh blahh blahh

When are we not busy?  That would be, never.  We are about to embark upon the black hole of "busy" as people keep telling us we have no idea what having a kid will do to our lives.  Consider me petrified.

I looked forward into the calendar the other day and this is what I saw, for me, between now and early January:

  • 4 trips to California (work)
  • 1 road trip to Rochester (family – Thanksgiving)
  • 1 trip to England (other family – Christmas)
  • A move to Brooklyn (this Saturday!)…
  • a move into an unfurnished, we sold most of our other furniture, apartment…meaning, we must spend time buying furniture before I BECOME the size of a house
  • Holiday shopping
  • Work, oh yes, that, work (it’s not all about taking trips to CA)

So all of this plus life in general is supposed to happen between today, November 12th, and January 2nd.  Hmmm.  This is probably not a good idea, in the grand scheme.  One could argue that even not pregnant, this is not a good idea.  And of course this does not take into account the Big H’s schedule.  He has to travel just about every week as well for a project he is working on.  And of course it also neglects my mother-in-law who we also need to visit, sometime in the near future.  So what is one to do?  I have canceled one trip to CA.  I shall dial in.  What else?  Well, nothing else yet has been rearranged or pushed off (hard to delay things like Christmas).  I am not sure what else can be pushed off.  So in that case, I shall embrace chaos.  Forget trying to make it go away, jump in head first!   And maybe at least try to get some sleep, and drink lots of water.  Consider it training for later on, right?

To Baptize or Not to Baptize, That is the Question

Oh well, hello there.  Been a while.  How have you been?

I have been pretty good.  Closed a new deal at work, think we are getting close to moving (no, really, I think so), enjoying the fall weather.  Not much else to report. 

There is just this one little thing I am thinking about…baptism.  I am trying to figure out if we will baptize the kid when it arrives.

My father would be horrified by this.  I can hear him now "What do you mean THINKING about it?  I assume you mean thinking about where and when…not IF!"

Yes, Dad, IF.

See, I grew up in the church.  Dad is an Episcopal priest (Episcopal, as in All the Frills and None of the Guilt, as in Catholic Lite..Episcopal, not Catholic.  That is why I am here.)  So anyway, I grew up going to church.  Every Sunday, religiously (I could not resist).  I went to Sunday School too, for a while anyway.  I got bored around age 8 or 9 and started skipping Sunday School.  My parents only tolerated my skipping because I chose to attend the adult class after the service instead of the kiddie class.  It’s not like I was skipping and going home to watch The McLaughlin Group.  We said grace every night before dinner.  I even recall vacations where if we could not find a church in the local area, Dad would conduct a service for us in our motel room on Sunday mornings (My sister and I were horrified by this. Thank goodness nobody was around to see us.  How embarrassing, Dad making us say prayers and receive communion at a HOJOs).

Anyway, I grew up religious.  And I still think of myself as religious but like many others, I have issues with religion.  In fact, I think religion often gives God a bad name.  Religion, in many ways a human construct, does not always reflect the divine or all that God is cracked up to be.  I think about these things often.  I do get a little ticked, however, when people equate religion and God – they are not one and the same.  I do believe in a God.  I don’t know what he/she/it looks like, and I honestly don’t care.  It’s not something I feel the need to resolve.  I simply believe there are numerous unexplained things in this world that man could never create, solve, devise or be responsible for.  It’s simple for me, I do not believe that humans are the highest form of intelligence and yet I am amazed every day by the world around us.  There MUST be something else going on…and for me, that is God.

I have other issues with religion, such as the whole resurrection thing, Jonah and the Whale, turning one loaf of bread and a fish into a feast for thousands, water into wine.  But even with all of this, I have not given up partly because I am a member of the Episcopal church.  In general, being Episcopalian does not mean you have to subscribe to literal translations of the Bible or various other simpleton rules and regulations.  We Episcoplians, again in general, embrace questions.  Oh and I cannot stand Bible pounding, guilt ridden, you need to saved stuff.  Ick.  I am sure there was original sin, but let’s get over it already and celebrate life and be good people.  Why all this focus on SIN.  I have never understood it.  And I don’t think I need to chastise myself or anyone else as a damaged sinner in order to be pious, humble and good.  So there.

But what about our kid?  What to do about that?  I am researching baptism to really understand what it means and if I am willing to impose that on the kid.  I believe in being a good person and in personal choice.  I do not believe you need to be part of organized religion to be good, and I am trying to figure out how important it is for me to suggest/instill religion in the kid.  I ultimately think he/she should choose it, or not, for themselves.  So does that rule out baptism?

These are not easy questions, and I am not sure that I will post our decision on this.  But that is what is on my mind these days.  If anyone would like to weigh in with a comment, feel free.  I am open to ideas on this one. 

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